Burnout, Boredom, and my Nightly Wine Habit

What I’m Doing Instead

I moved to Hamilton not long ago. Winter arrived and it did not ease me in.

The days are short.It’s cold. Dark. Icy. My worst nightmare.I don’t know the city yet.I don’t have a social circle here, yet.

Greg and I both work from home. Which means we are together all day and all night. There is very little novelty. Very little change of scenery. And not much new to talk about.

After a year of constant stress, I feel emotionally worn down. Burnout has settled without me realizing it and now it’s gotten a bit too comfortable. Looks like it might hang around for a while. Somewhere along the way, a glass of wine at night became my default response to boredom, low mood, and that flat feeling where nothing feels particularly appealing.

This is not a post about willpower. It's also not about quitting wine forever.

It is about why this pattern shows up so often for many of us. And what actually helps when energy is low and motivation is a distant memory.

Why Winter and Burnout Make Wine So Appealing

This did not happen because I lack discipline. There is real physiology behind it. Although, I do lack discipline but for the sake of argument, let’s pretend I don’t.

1. Winter lowers mood and motivation

Reduced daylight disrupts circadian rhythms. That affects serotonin and melatonin, both of which regulate mood and sleep. Seasonal Affective Disorder affects up to 10 to 20 percent of people in northern climates, with women more commonly affected. I don’t think I have that but I’m happy to add it to my bag of excuses.

Even without a clinical diagnosis, shorter days are consistently linked to lower energy and increased emotional eating and drinking. This matters because when mood drops, the brain looks for relief.

2. Chronic stress drains the nervous system

Long term stress keeps cortisol elevated.Over time, that leads to emotional fatigue, decision fatigue, and reduced resilience.

Alcohol temporarily lowers anxiety by enhancing GABA activity. That’s why it feels calming in the moment. I say ‘calming’ lightly. Sometimes it feels downright numbing.

The problem shows up later. Alcohol disrupts sleep, raises nighttime cortisol, and increases anxiety the next day. Which creates a loop most of us recognize. Stress leads to wine. Wine leads to poor sleep. Poor sleep leads to more stress. And around and around we go!

3. Boredom is a dopamine issue, not a discipline issue

Stressed brains and ADHD brains are especially sensitive to low stimulation. Wine becomes an easy source of dopamine, novelty, and an end of day reward. When evenings lack structure, the brain reaches for something familiar and reliable.

The Goal Is Not ‘No Wine’

It’s Breaking Autopilot

What helped was changing the goal. Not “I need to stop drinking.” But “I need something that meets the same need before I pour a glass.” Wine usually represents a transition from work to evening, sensory pleasure, comfort, and something to look forward to.

The solution is replacement and interruption. Not just restriction.

1. A Three Minute Urge Interrupt

This is not about clearing your mind or doing it perfectly. It’s a reset that works when energy is low.

The 3:3:3 Reset

You guessed it – it takes about three minutes.

1. Take three slow breaths.In through the nose for four.Out through the mouth for six. Longer exhales activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

2. Name three sensations.1. One thing you feel in your body.2. One sound.3. One temperature, warm or cool.

3. Ask one question.What do I actually need right now? Stimulation, comfort, or rest.

   
   

Why this works.

Cravings rise and fall within ten to twenty minutes. Brief mindful interruption activates the prefrontal cortex and reduces impulsive behaviour. Research shows that even short mindfulness practices can reduce substance use urges.

2. Two Minute Physical Pattern Breaks

These are not workouts. They’re nervous system resets.

Choose one.

1. March and ReachMarch in place.Every five steps, reach arms overhead.Exhale as arms come down.

2. Wall PushPush palms into a wall for five seconds.Release.Repeat five to eight times.Isometric exercises are shown to reduce anxiety and improve grounding.

3. Shake It OutShake arms, legs, and shoulders for sixty to ninety seconds.This helps discharge stress hormones and increases body awareness.

Why this works.

Short movement increases dopamine and norepinephrine.Physical input calms the Vagus nerve and reduces overwhelm. You don’t need intensity. You need interruption.

3. Replace the Ritual, Not Just the Drink

Habits are tied to context. So, before pouring a glass of wine, I now do this.

I pour something else into a wine glass.Sparkling water with citrus.Herbal tea, Kombucha.vSame glass.Same chair.Same time of night.

Then I tell myself I can have wine after ten minutes if I still want it. And guess what? Often the urge softens and/or goes away entirely. And sometimes it doesn’t. Either way, the habit loses its automatic grip on me.

4. Boredom Needs Structure, Not Motivation

Winter evenings are long. Empty time is the real trigger. I am not trying to rebuild a social life in January. I’m just laying low and re-energizing after a rather hellish year. I give myself one anchor.

One show I only watch after dinner.A short podcast, ten to fifteen minutes.A puzzle, word game, or hands busy activity.Something predictable and low effort.

Why this matters.

They say predictable pleasure reduces impulsive coping behaviors.Hands busy activities significantly reduce cravings in people prone to anxiety and ADHD - that’s me - I’m both! “Hands busy” means giving your hands a simple, physical task so your brain doesn’t default to coping behaviors on autopilot.

5. Being Together All Day Is Its Own Stressor

Working from home together sounds great on paper. No commute. No small talk with strangers. Lunch at home.

In real life, it can quietly drain you. You see each other all day. Every day. The same rooms. The same routines. The same conversations about groceries, emails, and who forgot to unmute on Zoom.

There is nothing wrong with your relationship if by 7 p.m. you have nothing left to say. You have already lived the whole day together. Constant proximity without novelty flattens mood and connection. It does not create closeness. It creates fatigue.

What helps is not forcing quality time. It is lowering the bar – something I happen to excel at.

Parallel eveningsSame room. Different activities. One person watches a show. The other scrolls, reads, or does something with their hands. You are together without performing ‘togetherness’. But also not consciously uncoupling, as Gwyneth calls it.

A five-minute daily check inThat’s it. Five minutes.

One annoying thing from the day.One neutral or okay thing.

No fixing. No processing. No deep emotional excavation.

Just enough exchange to feel seen. Just enough connection to remember you are two separate people sharing a life, not coworkers on a permanent lunch break. Unless it’s a liquid lunch, then that’s okay.

Some nights that is all you need. And that is enough.

My Only Goal Right Now

It’s not perfection (see my note on lowering the bar). It’s mot quitting wine forever. It’s learning not to use it as a crutch.

And it’s just this:

Delay the first glass by ten minutes using one tool.

That pause weakens habit loops, supports sleep and metabolic health, builds self-trust instead of shame, and helps the nervous system feel safer.

Final Thought

I love wine but I want to look forward to it, not lean on it. If you have moved cities, lost routines, lived under long term stress, and find yourself reaching for wine at night, nothing is wrong with you.

You are tired. You are bored. Your nervous system wants relief.

And relief does not have to come from a glass. Sometimes it starts with three minutes, a breath, and a plan that fits the life you are living.

Although if you decide to reach for the wine – give me a shout! I’m currently recruiting local friends.